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Story

It seems almost if the people around you don't expect you to live their life, they expect you to live the story that fits into their life. They want you to be positive, and the second your world gets dark, nobody is around.  It gets lonely. Being lonely can be intense, if you're anything like me.  I wish I had confidence embedded in my soul. But I don't. I doubt myself. I doubt why people want to be in my life. I doubt the things I do. I literally have to prove to people that I can do the things they think I can't, but in reality I'm doing it to prove to myself that I can (even though I know in my heart that I can).  So if you're like me, loneliness fills your head with doubts and worries and self-deprecating thoughts. You question everything and nothing all at once and it's truly exhausting. But when you're the loud, open person that I am, nobody wants to see that.  They want to see my energy, my smile. They want to experience my jolts of random energy ...
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Perspective

 Its not funny but interesting how we gain perspective. Things in life teach us lessons and it's up to us which lessons we learn, sometimes.  I dont understand the stigma behind keeping everything to yourself. I don't understand why we hide tragedy. I understand that not everybody is here to cheer you on; my trust has been tested so much in the last year. People only share tragedy when you go through something similar. Which I get, but I don't like secrets. I don't like keeping them, I'm a very open and honest person. All of my mistakes, I made. All of my past, is my past and I have to accept the things I have done and said regardless of how fun that isn't.  So I'm sorry, but I don't get pretending everything is fine when it isn't. Nobody gives you extra attention in sad times, they honestly seem to avoid you because they are so uncomfortable and don't know what to say. And that's okay because sometimes silence is the most valuable thing you ...
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